September 15, 2011

... At the Dinnertable

Today was not the best day here in France. It was the first time that my host parents got mad at me. Now I'm so mad at at myself; so mad that I couldn't see how stupid I was acting– stupid in that I was asking way too much of them. It's the only child syndrome coming back, I swear. Everything was fine until dinnertime when I posed yet another question regarding future plans. Marie-Armelle was tired, Xavier was tired, and I was tried... so dinnertime was pretty horrible. I don't feel like going into detail. All I'm going to say is that I completely lost my appetite and cried for the first time here in France. I'm just impatient and a bit frazzled, therefore a little unconscious of how much pressure and stress I was putting on Marie-Armelle. I'm not going to make any more demands or pose anymore questions from now on. I'm promising myself that. I felt awful that nothing got resolved and that everyone was upset.

But then....

I plucked up some nerves and went to talk to Marie-Armelle. I started with "I'm really, really, really sorry that–" but then she came over and told me not to worry and that everything is all right. You couldn't believe the relief and gratitude I felt. I would have hated to leave the night in a state of uneasiness and tension. She is super kind and is doing so many things for me. I'm so, so, so glad that they're willing to give me another chance and that they understand. It's my opportunity to change. I'm in a different world now– I can't be the same person that I was in America. These aren't my parents. This isn't my house. This isn't my native language. But this is my life right now. I have to learn to adapt, change, and appreciate everything. I'm looking back and realizing how incredibly fast time has past. I still have a lot of time left here, but still... I'm wondering if change will ever come. Sorry for the diary rant, but tonight really shook me up.

Anyways......... the rest of my day :) I have an appointment with the principal tomorrow and hopefully I'll be able to change my schedule. It's been a ton of work so far to change it, but I hope it's for the better. I really, really, really hope so because I can't change back. I talked with my future teacher of ES and she talks super fast... so... um... yeah. I'm hoping the students in the class will be amazing and nice.

After school we went to the bank to see if my card had finally come. Nope. There's some issue with it so it's a week overdue. I can't take money out of my account and thus I don't have money for shopping on Saturday :\ Later we went to the library and I got Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to read now that I finished Harry Potter :D And then we bought a little pastry for a snack before leaving to go get my clarinet! (See what I mean about a lot of things that I do here?) Marie-Armelle found someone who is willing to loan me a clarinet as long as I also play in an other orchestra with it. We went to the music school place and I met the teacher. He kept trying to speak English with me. There are two different levels in the school: one that's a bit harder with teens and adults, and another that's easy but for little kids. I'm going to practice like crazy, seeing as I haven't played my clarinet for 3 years, because I want to join the "big kid" group. I'm trying so many new things and moving really fast all the time. I keep hoping that I know what I'm doing and that it'll all work out... in one way or another.

The reason, I'm thinking, behind my never-ending line of activities with Marie-Armelle is that I don't have much freedom by myself. I've been invited to eat out for lunch in town, to go shopping in town, to go to someone's house, etc. But I can't go. I have to stay in the house. At least for now. I'll get more freedom later, but right now it's hard to stay still because I want to do everything. Also, I would really like to hang out with my friends and go places with them since I don't have people my age around me. If I had siblings maybe things would be different, but on the upside I really like my host parents and am going to focus more on all the wonderful things that I do have. Okay thanks for reading this slightly corny and sentimental blog. I'm done. Tomorrow is Friday, inspiration for sleep :D Good night.

1 comment:

  1. Hi! Your writing improved; a lot more Bob Dylanish and connecting (yeah, I'm great with knowing the right word :). I hope everything works out and you get more freedom soon and that you like your ES class and you have fun and I miss you A LOT!

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